Him

He's home. Wherever he is, that's home. That's where I feel safe, comforted, and happy. I was never expecting him. I hired him as Front Desk staff at my job. Just a few days in, we were hanging out in a group in Huntington Beach where we got lost walking back to the car, spent hours looking for it because we had no clue where we parked, and somehow got separated from the rest of the group. A few weeks later, he unexpectedly showed up at my apartment-- he had something planned for us. I thought it was weird. I hardly knew him and he was already showing up out of the blue. But from then on it only got better. We spent quite a bit of time together. In May, I accompanied him to a Wedding and we've been dating since. Almost 9 months dating and almost a year of him making me smile.

Be Patient.

Things have changed. Of course they have. It's a part of life. It's one part of life I don't do well with. From my Roommates to my workplace to my relationships, But even down to my running shoes and laptop-- if it's different, I don't like it. (Those are all things that HAVE changed in my life recently)' But who's to say they're bad? They're not bad, they're just different. So far, each and every one of them has been for the better. I hate it at first, but I come around and find that I stressed out for nothing. But that actually makes it better, to be patient and learn to like it. It makes it so much more worthwhile. Just like you can buy flowers at the store, or you can get a pot, some soil and some seeds (and a little TLC) and while being very patient, you actually grow something brand new. And something that is actually WORTH it. Another thing I don't do well with is patience, but I've learned that waiting is a great thing, and even though it may be hard (just like change) in the end comes something much better.

New Year. Same me.

New Year.. not a new me. Let's be honest. The people who write "New Year, New Me", you wont change. You're still the same person, with the same personality. Not much will change. 2013 wasn't my favorite year, but overall I had a good year. But January 1 is just another day. I'm not changing, for anyone. I'll be the same Taylor Marie I was, and always have been. I may grow up some more-- but that never hurt anyone right?

Been thinking how my childhood best friend just walked out of my life Weird, isn't it? We planned on being each other's maid of honors... but things change.. 10 years ago I thought my life would be much different than it is now. Not better, not worse. Just different. I guess I didn't picture my life at 19 (almost 20) to be this good. I'm loving life. I have a great job, apartment, car, friends and roommates! I'm happy! and although I get tired from my job from time to time, I push myself to workout after. Go home-- make some juice in my new juicer :) then it's girl talk with the roomates for hours! Been doing stuff lately that I would have never imagined myself doing-- concerts, sporting events, movie premiers.. The list goes on. To some people, that may not be "living the dream". But I'm loving my life!

Time

Different people want love expressed to them in different ways. Time is important to me. It's interesting because of course I love expensive stuff and if someone bought me something, I would be happy. But I feel most important to someone that makes time for me. We only have so much time in a day, a year, a lifetime. I understand people are busy. I mean I'm a biology major, with a job, an internship and I babysit once a week. I don't have any more time than most people, but if someone is important to me, I will find time for them. And if someone won't make time for me-- (not even five minutes) then they can leave. I don't know why but I'm really finding how important I am to people (especially the ones that know how much I appreciate time with them). I'm very lucky to have a family and an awesome roommate who will make time for me. Even when other people won't. It's finals week and I am over my head with stuff and stuff to do and so I have a lot of quiet time. And especially on my 13 mile race today, lots of time to think. I can't even begin to explain exactly what I'm feeling or thinking but that was as close as I could get. Goodnight :)

That horrible feeling...

When you can't decide whether to give up, or keep trying. It's a pretty sucky position to be in. Especially when it comes to a relationship and the other person is in the same boat as you, like what do you do? I've been stuck here for a few weeks or so, and it's a horrible feeling. The only feeling I want right now is a slice of pizza going into my stomach, not relationship issues (if there even is a relationship left). I know this is short. I don't even know what else to say haha but I had to get what I was feeling out!

How much longer?

Less than three weeks left of school, and three weeks of summer school and that's it! I'll be done with my sophomore year. Things have been crazy. With work, school, finals, final projects, and kicking it into high gear at the gym, it gets a little hard to find time to do anything. Fortunately I am taking this Saturday off to go spend a day doing nothing with my family, and I can't wait. I am already packing up stuff to bring home with me. Summer is so close I can taste it. Days in the sun, late long nights and absolutely no homework to attend to... for three months. Tan skin, bleach blonde hair, shorts and no shoes-- it literally couldn't get better and it's just around the corner. I only have a 10 page paper to write, 5 finals to take, three 3 page essays, a presentation and a butt load of studying to do, and then it's MY time. I feel like I never get ME time. It's always time to work, study, get ready for something, clean something, drive somewhere, make some food, work out, do homework...it never ends. Actually I just want someone to give me a hug and sit in silence with me. Wouldn't that be nice? While we sip coffee :) Man a really good coffee sounds good right about now, and some cheesecake while I lay in bed and watch Big Bang Theory-- what a life! And I can't wait because in a few weeks that will be me! And then I'll go to the gym and work off that cheesecake with a nice long gym sesh.

So goes it...

So I don't even know how I'm going to say what I want to say, so it's probably going to come out pretty jumbled and I'm probably going to ramble but I have some things I need to say. This past year and a half have been really hard for me. Mostly because I have lost every single friend that I had..literally every single one of them. Because I had friends that didn't care. I had friends who didn't want to stay with me through thick and thin. When the going got rough, they got going. And I just don't even know what to say, but you guys suck. I literally sit in my car and wonder how things ended up like this. Sometimes I think-- maybe if I was skinnier, or if I had different interests or SOMETHING. But that doesn't matter what you do, your friends who promise they will be there for you, leave. I wonder sometimes how I wound up being the school loaner. The girl who doesn't have anything to do or anyone to do them with, so she goes to bed at 8. I mean, what kind of a life is that? It's depressing that's what it is. I'm still amazed that everyone just walked out on me, you guys are awesome-- you really are. Thanks for walking out. Thanks for leaving me. Thanks. You deserve the best in life. Not really.

New Semester, new... beginnings?

Yea right. Not new beginnings. It may be a new year, and a new semester but I'm back into the same old swing of things. After a full month off of school, but no time off of work, I was driving back and forth 40+ minutes each way, and now I'm back and close to work again, but back into the same school routine which gets really old, really fast. Spring 2013 Semester did not start out particularly as planned, but day one came and went and day two begins tomorrow. I am trying to make the best of where I'm at, but it's really hard to be someplace that you don't want to be, and I LIVE here. With the exception of work, the occasional run to the grocery store at the gym, I am on campus every minute, which makes it even tougher to be happy here. I am trying to not be SO busy this semester and focus more on myself and getting my head and my life straightened out, but so far, I've just been bored. ..But new days always lie ahead.

After a very long and drawn out morning of a target run, laundry, cleaning out my car, and baking cookies, I realized it has been a very long time since I've blogged. So here goes it: On Christmas break for my sophomore year. That last semester sucked so bad. It was pretty much miserable every single day. I quit my job at justice and Started at 24 hour fitness and I love it (free membership, lots of hours, good co-workers) and 6-7 days a week I am there! It's almost Christmas and I have like no time for shopping so therefore I have not finished my Christmas shopping yet-- I'll probably get that done later today. And literally THAT is what has happened in the past few months. Nothing new. Still single, still lacking in the friend category at the moment, still hating the school I go to, and still way too busy with no social life. Love my life...just kidding-- not at the moment!

Not sure how I feel about this.

Back at the school I hate.. once again. To live here for another year. Everyone is stoked to see their friends, roommates, classmates and all that. I'm not sure I have anybody. And on top of that today pretty much sucked. I dont know why I got on an emotional edge today, but I couldn't help but cry while I bleached my entire room from top to bottom. I'm really trying to start over this year. Try something different, since obviously what I did last year didn't work out for me so well. I don't know what to try but I guess I have to just try different things until I find something. I'm looking for something good this year. I'm looking to be happy with I am at the moment and happy with the people around me, and happy with my effort and be happy with everything. That's my goal for this year. As much as I hate this school, I'm going to try to learn to be content here for this year, whatever that may take.

A life without love is like a year without summer

Home for 2 days. Room is full of my stuff. I'm in my own bed. The little things in life that make me happy. Also it's supposed to be 85 degrees tomorrow and I am beyond stoked about that. Tanning. Washing my car. Just spending the day outside and with my family and my two favorite kids in the world. Though school is done, life is still crazy as ever. More work, more driving, but less school work and less studying. But more time to think is just as bad. My minds and thoughts run like crazy, which most of the time is bad. The less time I have to think and let my mind wander, the better. But outdoorsy walks and laying outside to watch the stars (all sorts of summery stuff) gives me more time to think. Maybe if people weren't so stupid things would be a little easier :)

Starting over....

Awhile ago I deleted all my blog posts, I decided to start completely over. And I have to say, I'm excited. I missed it a little. Its finals week. I move out of college tomorrow. Last final at 8 am. Its so weird its over, but I am more excited than anything! I can't wait to get out of here. I'm trying to take it in right now, while trying to study, and listening to a fantastic playlist that I keep getting distracted by. I'll give you an update on whats been going on: It's been pretty crazy lately. Had to change my number (that went along with deleting my posts and my facebook as well) As hectic as things are, this is my life 99.9% of the time. I'm kind of used to it. I just really would like things to settle down... and soon. I'm about at my wits end. I can't handle much more. But I think once I'm out of school (tomorrow at 11 am, Praise The Lord) and I get my work schedule figured out, things will settle down and I can just have a great summer (which includes AFRICA, which I'm absolutely stoked about). Oh and boys are dumb :)